The Silence Is the Abuser's Best Weapon
Updated: 2 hours ago
This Wellness Wednesday got real. My co-hosts Herbalist Keyz and Oba and I sat down with author and journalist Wyatt O'Brian Evans, and we talked about something our community still whispers about: intimate partner violence and abuse, or IPVA. That's domestic violence inside our own relationships, and it happens more than we want to admit.
The book
Wyatt's new novel, Nothing Can Tear Us Apart: RUTHLESS!, follows Wesley, a wealthy Black gay media mogul, and Antonio, his Latino chief of security. They're trying to keep their monogamous relationship together while dealing with the ghosts of past abuse, trauma, abandonment, and a vindictive drug lord named Ruffkut who has it in for Wes.
"I said to myself, if I'm going to write a book, a novel, fiction, it's going to definitely be LGBTQ."
Wyatt is a survivor of intimate partner violence himself, and as a journalist he has interviewed many survivors. He poured all of that into this story so it would feel true, not made up.
Why tell it as fiction?
I asked him that directly. He's written about IPVA as a journalist for years, but he wanted to reach people who'd never pick up a news story about it. He hopes the book sparks honest conversations about abuse, and also about resilience, courage, and the power of love.
I think he's onto something. Some of us need the facts. Some of us need to see ourselves in a story first. Hitting it from both sides reaches more of us.
It doesn't always start with a hit
Abuse comes in many forms: verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, and physical. Here's what we kept coming back to on air: when someone is tearing you down with words, it's easy to tell yourself it's just an argument. That's how it starts, and that's how it escalates. Learn the signs early, for yourself and for the people you love.
Brothers, this one's for you
Men, and especially gay and same-gender-loving men, don't reach out for help because of stigma and what we've been taught about masculinity. Wyatt said it plainly:
"One of the most powerful, potent weapons in the abuser's arsenal is silence."
"Too many men, we don't want to talk about it because of the stigma, the shame. We think we're less than a man, which we are not."
Asking for help does not make you less of a man. It's how you heal.
Your wellness takeaway
Talk about it. Check on your friends. If something feels off in your relationship, trust that feeling. And if you need to talk to somebody right now, you don't have to do it alone:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 (24/7, LGBTQ-affirming).
Anti-Violence Project: 24/7 hotline for LGBTQ+ survivors at 212-714-1141.
Have you or someone you love been through this? I want to hear from you.
Catch Dr. D.B. Marshall on Wellness Wednesdays, Wednesdays 7–8 AM ET, only on AmpliPhy Radio.
Get the book: Nothing Can Tear Us Apart: RUTHLESS! on Amazon · Learn more about the author at wyattevans.com.
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